Okay, I know I have written before about various odds and ends news stories, and I don’t plan to make it a common occurrence (although it may become a once-a-week posting), but I had to comment on three different stories that are gaining some national press time. These are stories about people that are just plain stupid…or at least come across that way based on a decision that they have made. I don’t know which story is the worst or which I should really start with. It is funny just wondering what these people were (and may still be) thinking. Since I haven’t been real kind with Wal-Mart lately, let’s start with a story that involves yet another Wal-Mart story across the country.
You may have seen this story already, about a guy in New Jersey that was arrested for shoplifting at the local Wal-Mart. To keep it short, Irwin Krakow had lost a bet. As the loser of the bet, he had two choices on how to pay up. First, he could run naked through the street. Or he could go to Wal-Mart and shoplift $50 worth of items.
I wonder what his decision-making process was on this. I can see him thinking it through – “I am 58 years old, can’t run that fast, and wouldn’t look very attractive naked, so I think I will steal something” – or something like that. Maybe he looked up the penal codes for the area to see which crime would give him the lowest fine/jail time. Who knows? Irwin does, and it was probably something more along the lines of – “shoplifting could be pretty easy, especially if the items are small enough for my pockets.”
He might have gotten away with running through the streets naked. We’re talking New Jersey where you can see plenty of skin on MTV’s Jersey Shore. Would anyone have really cared? He even lamented about shoplifting after the fact, not because it was wrong, but because the fine for running through the streets naked would have been cheaper.
But he chose instead to take a USB card, two spoons, a nutcracker, a decorative tree, and t-shirts. Okay, he must not have been thinking about things that could be hidden in his pocket. How in the world was he going to hide a decorative tree? The other items could easily be hidden, but a tree. Maybe he was hiding behind the tree on his way out the door. “Pay no attention to the decorative tree walking out the door… it probably just needs some fresh air and rain water to liven it up.”
I don’t know what is worse about this story…the fact that he didn’t even get the $50 in merchandise as was the payoff rule, or the fact that he somehow got out of the store with a decorative tree. Kind of makes the Wal-Mart employees seem “not-so-smart” as well. Maybe we should hook him up with Hersha Howard. They could probably enjoy some time together in the slammer.
She was arrested and charged with assault for beating up her roommate. Why would she do such a thing? Because the roommate supposedly ate her prized Thin Mints cookies. I don’t know about you, but those are some prized cookies. So prized, that Hersha decided to attack her roommate with scissors, a sign, and a board. Assault with a deadly weapon charges and $10,000 bail later, she might just want to re-think her intelligence in that decision. Maybe she should have contacted Irwin and asked him to shoplift some Thin Mints for her while he was at it.
I don’t think she would have overreacted if she knew the whole story behind the disappearing cookies. The roommate claims that she gave the cookies to Hersha’s kids. The kids in turn mailed the cookies to Estibalis Chavez. They don’t want to see her die of hunger.
What the kids don’t realize is that Estibalis is voluntarily on a hunger strike. Why? It isn’t because of all the beans that she has grown tired of eating. No, instead she decided to starve herself until she gets an invitation to Prince Williams wedding to Kate Middleton. Is she a BFF that Kate forgot about? Was she de-friended on Facebook for showing favoritism to Prince Harry? What would cause her to not get an invitation to the wedding of the year?
You got your invitations right? I am sure mine is in the mail so I am not worrying about it at all. I guess this 19-year-old just doesn’t have patience to see if it was held up in the mail. After all, it is international and my experience with letters going internationally is that it can take a few weeks. Good grief Estibalis, give it a chance to arrive. Maybe they didn’t put enough postage on it. Maybe the drug cartel intercepted it temporarily so that they could take all the gold leafing off to help pay for the next shipment.
Just be patient. And while you are waiting, have a dish of beans, and maybe some chicken. You don’t want to be too thin when you arrive at the wedding ceremony otherwise nobody will recognize you and you won’t be let in. The ceremony at Westminster Abbey is still two months away. If you starve yourself that long, Irwin might mistake you for his decorative tree because your arms and legs will be about as thick as the branches. It won’t be a pretty sight, especially if you get re-stocked at Wal-Mart.
Just another view from a Palmtree.