Feeling like crap…

So it has been a while since I wrote a blog posting.  I am sure that you have missed my musings, or maybe not, especially after the odd attempt at literary expertise by writing a story with as many song titles from my iTunes library as possible.  You may have wondered where I was, what I was doing, would I ever return.  You may have wondered, “Randy who?” and then continued on with your everyday life.  But alas, I am here and if you are still reading, you must be a relative…or someone that is suffering from insomnia, or a groupie that I haven’t met.

So where was I these last few weeks?  Well, I could say that I just haven’t been motivated, wasn’t inspired, or just plain didn’t have the time.  But I realize, as truthful as those three excuses may be, they lay the foundation for many reason why I shouldn’t blog at all.  But I like to blog so I need a different reason for a short hiatus.

I could claim that I was sick.  I wasn’t but I could claim it because not only would that be a valid reason, it would be one that draws sympathy.  Instant forgiveness…nothing better than that.  I could simply say that I have felt like crap lately and you would probably understand and think nothing of my absence.  But I haven’t felt like crap lately so I won’t be using that as an excuse, but I will use it for my topic today.

One of the gadgets that I have on my Windows Sidebar (something you may be familiar with if you have Windows Vista) is the Merriam-Webster’s Word of the Day. For today (Nov. 16, 2010) the word is “crapulous”.  I know what you are thinking…because after I saw the word I thought the same things.  And I will tell you right now, if you dwell on it, you will start to think other things.

Merriam-Webster says that crapulous is an adjective with two meanings.  The first: marked by intemperance especially in eating or drinking.  The second: sick from excessive indulgence in liquor.  Though I have never been inebriated myself, I have had friends that achieved that status and as an end result said they felt like crap.  I am sure they didn’t feel that way while they were excessively indulging in liquor.  Maybe they already felt like crap so they chose to drink in excess to forget about it.  I don’t know.  But it doesn’t relate to just alcohol.  Notice the first definition refers to intemperance in eating.  Now I am guilty.  And I would be willing to bet you are too.

Who doesn’t overeat at least once in a while?  I do…in fact, I will again next week.  And I just might do it sometime this week.  It all depends on what my choices are for meals each day.  If we have another pizza fest, I will likely show intemperance with my eating and could very possibly feel like crap shortly after.  More appropriately said; I will be crapulous.

So why do we do that to ourselves?  Because we don’t think about being crapulous while we are in the act of indulgence.  Indulgence, whether with food or drink, is mainly done in celebration of something.  Like the next time I have intemperance with eating pizza.  I will be celebrating the fact that I get to eat pizza, and I will be celebrating even more if it is my wife’s homemade pizza.  And once I have downed thirteen and a half pieces (the half will be my daughters…I can’t let it go to waste) I will likely be crapulous.  Yep, after that much pizza I probably will feel like crap.  But I am sure it will be a euphoric crapulous state.  One that will misguide me into thinking about eating ice cream…especially since ice cream doesn’t really take any extra room in my stomach (it just fills in the cracks).  And when I am crapulous, I will be saying to everyone around that “it was sooooo worth it” and probably something else like “don’t get in my way between here and the bathroom” as I decide to share my crapulous situation with the royal porcelain thrown.  And if you have been crapulous according to the second definition, you know exactly what I mean.

So next week as we all approach the table to enjoy a Thanksgiving feast we need to ask ourselves if we are ready to be crapulous or not.  If you skip the appetizers and only have one serving of food, you probably won’t be crapulous.  However, if you hit the all-you-can-eat breakfast buffet at the local restaurant, followed by overindulgence on the Thanksgiving feast, completed with not just pie and ice cream for dessert but a couple of glasses of eggnog (getting a head start on the Christmas season) as you make your way to the couch to watch a football game while munching on chips, dip, peanuts, and coke (diet & caffeine free for health reason I assume), then you will be crapulous.  I will make sure to not cross the path between you and the bathroom.

Just another view from a Palmtree.

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And today is…

I have an uncle that posts an update almost everyday on his Facebook account in which he tells what all the national “events” or “designations” are for the day.  For example, August 18th is National Soft Ice Cream Day.  Spectacular.  It has been a hot day so why not celebrate with some soft-serve vanilla.  Even better would be a chocolate-vanilla twist.  But hey, today isn’t the only hot day that we have had this summer.  Hello!  We are midway through August.  We have had many hot days.  We should have a “National Soft Ice Cream Month” instead of just one day.  All in favor?

Today is also Cupcake Day.  Who decides this?  Okay wait, I guess I won’t criticize this one.  Soft ice cream and cupcakes.  Dessert enthusiasts everywhere are probably living it up today.  Could this also be “Sugar Diabetes Day” or “Eat Yourself Silly With Sugary Foods So The Dentist Can Pay For His New Porsche Day”?  The two go together well…possibly…depending on the flavors…but given the choice, I would stick with the ice cream by itself.  Much more refreshing that way.

Another designation for August 18th is “Bad Poetry Day”.  Now I like poetry, but not bad poetry.  In fact, I like to write poetry and hope it doesn’t turn out to be bad.  I am purposely not going to write a poem today because I don’t want it to turn out bad.  Maybe tomorrow I will write a new one.  In the meantime, have you read the ones I wrote and posted on this blog site?  Go ahead, I think you might like them.

While I am at it, my dad liked poetry too.  However, he didn’t pronounce them as “po-ems”, but rather as “poims” (yes, that is oi and in oink).  And his favorite “poim” was definitely bad.  It may have even been one of those that got this day to be a day of recognition for bad poetry.  Best part about me telling you about this is that I can also share this tidbit of poetry that also happened to be the only “poim” that my dad had memorized.  It goes something like this:

I so cold, I so weary,
Pick I up and kiss I deary.
I so cold I’s ‘bout to freeze.
Who took me off my warm, warm cot,
And put me on this cold, cold pot?
Somebody’s, I’s fru.

I don’t know who the author is.  Maybe it was my dad, but I really doubt it.  What I do know it that it is definitely bad poetry.  But to hear my dad recite it was funny, and that is half of the entertainment.  How nice it would be to sit out on the back patio with dad right now, hearing him recite his “poim” while eating some soft vanilla ice cream.  The ultimate way to celebrate this day of many designations.  I guess the memories will have to suffice.  Maybe I will take the time instead and order me a new ice cream maker from Sears and a new book of poetry from Barnes & Noble…because, after all, this is also Mail Order Catalog Day.

Just another view from a palmtree.